We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
