Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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