currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Help me help you realize you are a moron
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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