If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Houston, we have a blender
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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