WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize