if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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