piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
