My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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