dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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