im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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