are you so shy because you have an std?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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