i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
