Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
