I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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