2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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