I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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