I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
