seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
