It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
