I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
