he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We are two peas in an std pod
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
