i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
