Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize