When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
