I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
