yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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