I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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