That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
