Fuck appropriateness.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Randomize
