Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
