Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
