If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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