i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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