On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
