Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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