direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
