Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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