its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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