Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
