:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
