Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
well you can't waste a boner
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
