Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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