Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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