Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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