you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize