i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My ass is underappreciated
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
