I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
pop tarts are not kleenex
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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