This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
