the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
