the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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