It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
id be glad to
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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