remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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