today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
