so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
