I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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