I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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