You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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