maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
