Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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