don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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