This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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