1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
