I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
