the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
