Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
