I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
