It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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