My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
