There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
