It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
