i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
