Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
