You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize