maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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