When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
