I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
