Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
