a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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