My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
True strength comes from lack of pants
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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