i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
