therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
