Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
