Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
if only i could text you this smell
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
