no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
