I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
