i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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