so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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