I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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