I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
