just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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