haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
