I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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