Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
