Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
