Soap is not a condiment
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
