After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
