i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
