:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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