the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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