She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
